I play around in circles
Jump one group to the next, to the last
I still always end up walking to my own shadow
Nobody next to me, nobody in front
Faded faces behind, sober faces up ahead
I trail off in the cold, in the distance...

///

God is not with me
He's not down with my actions
For they're all ongoing infractions
Reminders that those gates will decline
Anybody of my kind

God is disappointed in me
Too far into the powder
Where everything amounts to something smaller

Can't seem to become bigger
Needing to get away from anything duller

10-2014

summer is over
will our conversations remain?
i crave an alert, that white bubble to show
words never read but sent for me

excitement subsides
is my name a special thing?
is it ever brought up in casual conversations?
am i going to be yours?
i want to share what you do to me

you're far away
i want to touch your skin
see where the feel takes me
new places and new rides
i want to be that craving

what has you interested in my being?
is it the way i talk to you?
the smiles, where i come from, my experiences, and my stories?
what has you reeled in?

as for me, it's what you say
the quite surprising moments of rebellion you disclose, your composure, and the ability to talk to a complete stranger
don't you want to be a plus one to my adventures?
i want to take you to a show
i want to sway back and forth
see how the lights glow on your skin

when you're in another place than present, where do you go?
how far does your mind wander?
am i able to attend your travels, all around your heart and mind?
are you gonna take me on a completely wild trip, never to have been expected?

i think you got the tools
i think you know the ways
i'm sure you already think i'm good to be with you
or i'm painfully obvious
i don't know

i'm so hopeless

09-2014

8

eight months sober
all washed away because of the tugging apathy
satisfying that craving 
in a snap. in a quick minute, a blink of an eye
left and right
a shot, a head tilt, a strong whew, exhale 
anxiety lifted. everything lifted

it doesn't matter
those first two weeks of hell 
the lowest of lows all washed out 
all blown away - back to square one
back to zero, back to nothing but highs
scratching at that scab to let that shit bleed 

nothing but lonely secrets 
i'll keep it to myself 
i've been doing pretty good so far 
why stop now? 

10-2014