oh faithful one, her name is mary jane
she's not a regret
she's not a hindrance
she cools you out without the glamour
she's earthy, sensual, and smooth
never rough, bitter, or cringe-worthy
she never stops growing within you
never a negative intoxication
nothing but overflowing tenderness
11-2013
1/11/14
the end
I learned my lesson
I disturbed my flow into positive progression
and now I can't ever get into the groove of sober creation
Line after line
I wasted all that time
Meaningless efforts in chasing short highs
To know in the end, it's all asinine
I keep feeling all these low notes
Desiring each and every good blow
If I keep that up, I won't have anything to sow
So from here on out, I'll take myself and do a shameful bow
01-2014
I disturbed my flow into positive progression
and now I can't ever get into the groove of sober creation
Line after line
I wasted all that time
Meaningless efforts in chasing short highs
To know in the end, it's all asinine
I keep feeling all these low notes
Desiring each and every good blow
If I keep that up, I won't have anything to sow
So from here on out, I'll take myself and do a shameful bow
01-2014
1/5/14
hands
can i hold your hand?
when i'm happy in the moment, nothing bothering me, and feeling bliss
can i hold your hand?
i want to hold hands
feel the pressure, the grip of skin-to-skin contact
i want to feel the wrinkles and creases of yours
your fingers and their folds
i want to hold your hand
i don't want to explain why
i swear it's innocent
sometimes i'm your friend and holding hands allows me to feel something raw
sometimes i need a reminder that i'm not only flesh
that i'm not only skin and fingers
but that there's more to a touch in an impulsive grab
when can i go by and grab it out of the blue?
i just want to hold your hand
when i'm happy in the moment, nothing bothering me, and feeling bliss
can i hold your hand?
i want to hold hands
feel the pressure, the grip of skin-to-skin contact
i want to feel the wrinkles and creases of yours
your fingers and their folds
i want to hold your hand
i don't want to explain why
i swear it's innocent
sometimes i'm your friend and holding hands allows me to feel something raw
sometimes i need a reminder that i'm not only flesh
that i'm not only skin and fingers
but that there's more to a touch in an impulsive grab
when can i go by and grab it out of the blue?
i just want to hold your hand
versus
I don't want you but you want me.
I don't want to talk but you want to.
I don't want to put effort but you want to.
I want you to leave me alone but you hover me.
I'm not even into you yet you think I want you to be.
I'm not into being wrapped up and you want to own me.
I'm not wanting to be exclusive but you already think so.
I'm not like you but you like me.
10/11-2013
I don't want to talk but you want to.
I don't want to put effort but you want to.
I want you to leave me alone but you hover me.
I'm not even into you yet you think I want you to be.
I'm not into being wrapped up and you want to own me.
I'm not wanting to be exclusive but you already think so.
I'm not like you but you like me.
10/11-2013
robbery
life robs you left and right
even when things are about to be aligned
when you're about to really set things right
it steals it all away, cold-hearted and merciless
it happens once, then it happens twice
now you're bracing yourself for the third time
contemplating and miserable: is this the last fucking straw?
can't handle this shit
there's no point in enjoying niceness
when greed and jealousy in others blow your high
when they strip you from everything that kept your cool
"be happy"? really? fuck that, you're a fool
10-2013
even when things are about to be aligned
when you're about to really set things right
it steals it all away, cold-hearted and merciless
it happens once, then it happens twice
now you're bracing yourself for the third time
contemplating and miserable: is this the last fucking straw?
can't handle this shit
there's no point in enjoying niceness
when greed and jealousy in others blow your high
when they strip you from everything that kept your cool
"be happy"? really? fuck that, you're a fool
10-2013
crazy corner
the crazies congregate in one place
lounging, asking for a single smoke, finding whatever was lost
i wonder how their nights end
what their agendas consist of, what "success" is for them
are they more concentrated in this dirty side of town?
on the border of neutral and excess?
or is this where the meeting place is
and their home is somewhere less crazy?
do they know that we know they're seen as crazy?
or are we the crazy ones functioning
and they're the normal ones functioning or attempting?
how did this divide exist anyway?
10-2013
lounging, asking for a single smoke, finding whatever was lost
i wonder how their nights end
what their agendas consist of, what "success" is for them
are they more concentrated in this dirty side of town?
on the border of neutral and excess?
or is this where the meeting place is
and their home is somewhere less crazy?
do they know that we know they're seen as crazy?
or are we the crazy ones functioning
and they're the normal ones functioning or attempting?
how did this divide exist anyway?
10-2013
rapport
You go about in your day
Feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders
Wondering if anybody out there feels the same
What are your feelings about?
Is it sad, mad, or all-in-one?
Does it even count?
A friendly fellow comes along and speaks to you
You realize the flow, the comfort, and the safety in conversed words
Your heart jumps immediately cause you discover this person is feeling blue, too
How it's a blessing to know this new soul
To be able to relate, to be unashamed of your yearning heart
And to know this individual might just make you whole
08-2013
Feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders
Wondering if anybody out there feels the same
What are your feelings about?
Is it sad, mad, or all-in-one?
Does it even count?
A friendly fellow comes along and speaks to you
You realize the flow, the comfort, and the safety in conversed words
Your heart jumps immediately cause you discover this person is feeling blue, too
How it's a blessing to know this new soul
To be able to relate, to be unashamed of your yearning heart
And to know this individual might just make you whole
08-2013
loneliness
I know I'm lonely when confiding in someone is foreign
When a phone book lacks any prospects
When a text, an acknowledgement, or a name is rare
Loneliness is sitting in a room, three a.m.
With nothing but circling thoughts of darkness and defeat
When you really have no one to talk to
And it's not about being with someone or needing affection, and wanting to be loved
It's about knowing my loneliness is something to appreciate
To know I'm not the only one experiencing the same thing
It's about being comfortable and confident in my thoughts
Whether it be the darkest, deepest, or the saddest
It's knowing I can cure the loneliness with progressive and willing acceptance
I know when loneliness subsides
As someone assures and validates my existence
That my heart is hardened but can be repaired
I'm not talking about being less alone by having someone
I'm talking about not having to explain myself constantly
This exhausting rap, play-by-play bullshit for people to "understand" me better
It's not about pity or sympathy
It's about true connection and recognition
It's about the merging of two alone souls
Embracing each other's needs and losses
08-2013
When a phone book lacks any prospects
When a text, an acknowledgement, or a name is rare
Loneliness is sitting in a room, three a.m.
With nothing but circling thoughts of darkness and defeat
When you really have no one to talk to
And it's not about being with someone or needing affection, and wanting to be loved
It's about knowing my loneliness is something to appreciate
To know I'm not the only one experiencing the same thing
It's about being comfortable and confident in my thoughts
Whether it be the darkest, deepest, or the saddest
It's knowing I can cure the loneliness with progressive and willing acceptance
I know when loneliness subsides
As someone assures and validates my existence
That my heart is hardened but can be repaired
I'm not talking about being less alone by having someone
I'm talking about not having to explain myself constantly
This exhausting rap, play-by-play bullshit for people to "understand" me better
It's not about pity or sympathy
It's about true connection and recognition
It's about the merging of two alone souls
Embracing each other's needs and losses
08-2013
Nonchalance
It's time to admit it
I don't care about anything because everything is nothing
To care only leads to dissatisfaction and disappointment
It's better not to have a care in the world
Easier to take a blow and a push
Pressure doesn't impale my well being when it's all out the window
The fall won't seem that bad cause you'll know what's to come
You're only benefiting yourself from further hurt and sadness
Everything isn't a letdown when you eliminate all feelings
A slap, a hit, and a shot doesn't kill you
It only leaves a mild mark that fades away
As the indifference soaks itself inside of you
No feelings and no sensitivity allowed here
Not in my book, not in my time
You can't hurt me and you can't fix me
I'm already dead
08-2013
I don't care about anything because everything is nothing
To care only leads to dissatisfaction and disappointment
It's better not to have a care in the world
Easier to take a blow and a push
Pressure doesn't impale my well being when it's all out the window
The fall won't seem that bad cause you'll know what's to come
You're only benefiting yourself from further hurt and sadness
Everything isn't a letdown when you eliminate all feelings
A slap, a hit, and a shot doesn't kill you
It only leaves a mild mark that fades away
As the indifference soaks itself inside of you
No feelings and no sensitivity allowed here
Not in my book, not in my time
You can't hurt me and you can't fix me
I'm already dead
08-2013
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