heart

I sat next to you at this bar. We spoke of broken hearts and its influence in the ways we heal. Our eyes focused on each other and the illuminated neon signs brought light into the truths you mouthed in front of me. 

I spoke of how I never had a heartbreak and in a hopeful tone you said how you won't break my heart. The cold wind hit you hard that night. You wrapped your arms around my hips and snuggled in closer to establish a central heat source.

Little did I know, this night was leading to a final rendezvous and I wouldn't ever see you again. As I reflect back on this memory, I keep asking myself, "Did you keep your word? Did you hurt my heart?" My heart was at a high peak with an idea of a prospective beginning.

Your abrupt silence proved that I was leaving this experience with no ending.

11-2015

silhouettes

i lied there in the dark
visualized the shape of your body and paralleled yours with mine
i closed my eyes
i saw my fingertips slowly trace your eyebrows, your jawline, 
the linings of your neck, and the delicate stretch of skin along your collarbones

the rest of your body was a challenge
i could guess the outline of your breasts
and the form of your hips and legs
but my imagination does not succeed reality
i'll let that go to possibilities and good hope

i'm resting my head against your skin
feelings the valleys of your body
not wanting to let that part go
it's all such a pretty sight
you're allowing me to roam and outline 
the creases and outlines of your make

i don't want to delay
i don't want to lose you
cause i'm left alone in the dark with temporary tracings
nowhere close to resemblances of your real thing

10-2015

tic-tac-toe

i was in a playground
i needed to test out the slides, monkey bars, and swings
but mainly, the game of tic-tac-toe

and at first there was a momentum with the swings,
this gentle and playful exchange of words and touch
then the monkey bars took out most of my energy,
proving to me i had to stretch out and reach with my might
to see if you were gonna meet me as i met you on your side
from up top, i descended down the slides with its swerves, 
translating into the spontaneity of the night spent together

that game of tic-tac-toe mirrored our sparing texts
proofs of calculated wordplay in different places
nobody won
because x's and o's hide reasonings

you gave me x's and i gave you o's
the o's were marked with my innocence and interest
you threw me your x's
and crossed out options for us to meet on fair terms

you owned your x's
and in my blindness, i gave you my inviting o's
that was never going to be a tie

08-2015

9 > 3

I check the time religiously
when I know nine hours won't lessen to three,
when I know it won't shorten the distance of two countries,
when I know our smiles won't translate in real time.

we make-do with what we're given
the way you speak and express adds to my growing curiosity

you have me wondering
what it would be like to walk with you,
to sit next to you in a theater,
to focus on the details of your face

I'm fixating on scenarios of what could be
we mention the possibilities that drips with lingering excitement and highs

it's all so new and I want to beat the idle moments

I want to tell you:
I'm not going anywhere
I'm hooked

07-2015

french songs

i sat here all night

listened to french songs by your favorite artist

i looked up what they meant but i enjoyed the unknown

i wanted to hear these songs with you,

as you'd close your eyes and describe it in your irresistible manner

what did i picture when i heard these songs?
i saw us

strolling on the streets, following your guide, and kissing your cheeks

playing with your hair and tracing your body

i want to write you

build this up and discover more

i replayed those videos of yourself

it left me so silly and hopeful

you're so beautiful

you got me locked in

do you want me here?

i dreamt of being there

07-2015

meaningless

I need to get the fuck over you.
I don't know how or if there's a sure way.
You obviously mean more to me than I mean to you.
All I am are little notes and cards on the wall, decorations for your small room.

Seven months of believing and convincing that your actions meant something but progressed into nothing.
Now I sport this haircut, constantly reminding myself of you.
I brush my fingers through it and flashes of your face appear, quick and temporary.

It doesn't linger because a moment didn't translate.
A gesture didn't change anything.
We both remain passive, only you say these words rooted in reactions but you take it back so quickly.

Everything is losing meaning and value.
I'm only giving it meaning
when I'm sure it's all meaningless to you.

07-2015

soft / sharp

You play it soft with a hold on sharp edges
The way you focused in on the details

And how you snipped away with such ease

I liked it when you were telling me what to do

Sitting in a bench, making movements under your directions

I wish I can hold onto your legs as you sleep

Anything to return the sweetness just like your gentle touch

I sit in your velvet chair, thinking to myself:
"How can I hold onto this sight every day?"

I don't want it to fade

I want to keep it all

I want to return with magnetism and appeal.

06-2015